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God’s plan vs. our plan
Published on 02/07/08
by Cory
I am a Christian, a husband, and a father. The two most important things in my life are my relationship with Jesus Christ and my family. I married my high school girlfriend a little over 6-and-a-half years ago, and a little over 2 years ago we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl named Lucy. About 18 months before Lucy was born, we decided we wanted to have a baby. We had been married for close to 4 years, and we felt it was time to start a family. This was the first time God decided to teach us about trusting Him and His timing.
If you paid attention in high school biology, you know that a woman does not stay pregnant for 18 months. You know that it is more like 9 months. A little quick math will show that it took 9 months for us to get pregnant…probably the longest 9 months of our marriage. During that time, we really had a difficult time trusting God and trusting that He has a plan for our lives that is immeasurably greater than anything we could ever imagine. In retrospect, 9 months is not a long time, and I hate that I had such a lack of faith during that time.
Another Baby
Fast forward to December, 2007. I was getting dressed one morning to go to work, and I heard my wife exclaim “This is not happening!” I had no idea what she was talking about, so I rushed to see what was the matter. She was holding in her hand a pregnancy test. Surprise! We were going to have another baby! I was excited, albeit a little shocked. We were not trying this time, but I guess we weren’t trying to prevent it either. My wife was a little less excited (thoughts of sleepless nights were rushing to her mind), but she eventually warmed up to the idea.
That weekend, we told our family and friends the great news, and they all celebrated with us. Our first doctor’s appointment came at the beginning of January without incident. We got to see the tiny little heartbeat on the ultrasound just like we had seen with Lucy.
Things changed this week. On Tuesday, we went to the doctor for a second routine visit. We knew from our experience with Lucy that the doctor would use a little machine to hear the baby’s heartbeat and check that everything was ok. He got out the little machine, but no heartbeat. He told us not to worry because sometimes you cannot hear the heartbeat this early in the pregnancy. Just to be sure, he did an ultrasound. Still nothing. Again, he told us not to be nervous because at this point he still did not know anything. Finally, he did an internal ultrasound. It was during this ultrasound that our fears were confirmed.
At some point between that first doctor’s visit and this one, for whatever reason, the baby stopped growing. The doctor was unable to find the baby where it should have been. The pregnancy had ended prematurely. Apparently this happens in 15% of pregnancies. Needless to say, my wife and I were devastated by the news. We had already begun to plan and dream of what we would do with our next baby, and we found out that we would not be having this baby.
We told our families and some close friends about what had happened, and we found ourselves surrounded with support and prayer. We will never know why this happened, but one thing we know is that ultimately God has a bigger and better plan for us than our own.
Perspective
Two of our closest friends have experienced this loss twice. They were trying to get pregnant around the same time that we were trying to get pregnant with Lucy. They got pregnant well before we did, but that first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Eventually, they started trying again, but it took a longer time this time. Not long before Lucy was born, they got pregnant again, but miscarried a second time. A month after Lucy was born, we found out that they were pregnant again. This time, their pregnancy went full term, and now they have a beautiful baby girl.
God brought them through that experience. It was a tough road, and many tears were shed, but He brought them through. Seeing their experience and being there for them through that time helped me to have perspective on how God works in these types of situations. It is for that reason that I know that He will bring us through this time, and He has a plan for our lives far greater than our own plans. I’m not saying He is going to give us another baby. I just know to trust that He is sovereign, and He knows what is best. Knowing that and trusting that gives me peace and comfort during this time, and I only hope that others can experience that same peace.
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Comments on God’s plan vs. our plan
11 Responses
Patrick
11/02/08
Cory,
That is a nice story I really enjoyed it. God’s plan is a journey and a part of it is sharing it with others, thank you for the warmth I felt in my heart. I pray I can in some way share what I feel to someone who needs it.
Patrick
Von Swiderski
14/02/08
Cory,
I have been looking through your blogs for a few days now because I’m starting a website business and needed some information about Joomla! I know how to use a computer but as a non-technical person, building my website, is to say the least, posing a great challenge for me. Anyway, I have been planning my website for quite some time now and it occupies a lot of my time and thought. However, I know God is directing my path and I listen to Him carefully to go where He leads.
Even though I’m quite busy trying to start my site, I had to take time out to reply to “God’s plan vs our plan”. First of all, let me say thank you for sharing your story and acknowledging God and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
I few years ago, my husband and I went through something similar to your story. We had been married for 10 years (we got married young) before we were ready to have children. During that time we thoroughly discussed and planned for our future children. When we were ready (according to our plan) we tried and succeeded in having our first child, a wonderful boy. It was very easy for us since we planned it very carefully (right!). About 18 months later we tried for our second child. All according to our plan. Again, it happened very quickly and we were on our way until I had a miscarriage. I was devastated. A few months passed and we tried again with no success. That continued for a few months. I panicked and instead of finding out what God’s word said about the situation and trusting Him, I went to a fertility specialist. My doctor was quite surprised that I would see him at such an early stage and my husband, though supportive, was not fully convince we needed to take those steps at the time. He said we should be grateful for the family we have and trust God to add to it when the time was right. Still, I allowed fear to dictate my actions and I started the procedures to begin fertility treatments anyway.
To try and make a long story short, we got right up to the place where we were to start the treatments and my husband had to finally speak up. He was willing to go through with it for me but had to express his doubts. Also, he was starting his own company at the time and was leaving his job to do so. That meant we would have to pay for our own insurance and dip into our nest egg a little bit and would not have the “security” of a bi-weekly paycheck. That’s when I broke. I had to face what God was trying to show me and that was that I have not really been trusting Him at all. I said I trusted Him all the time. It was easy to do living our comfortable lifestyle. But when He allowed that lifestyle and all my planning and the things I was really putting my faith in to be shaken, it was an eye opener. I decided that I was going to really trust God so, I canceled the fertility treatments. My doc’s office advised against it because if I didn’t get in on this round it would be at least another year before I could even start again and I wasn’t getting any younger. More frightened than I can ever remember, I put all my energy in discovering what God had to say about the situation.
I studied the book of Genesis – the story of Abraham and found out about the covenant that we have with God through Jesus Christ. In that covenant God promised us many things but the one that I focused on at the time was that He promised to give us our own children through the fruit of our own loins. I meditated on those scriptures all the time, went out and got myself a part-time job to get outside of myself and problems. In a sense, I educated myself on the covenant and put it all in God’s hands. About 4 months later, I was pregnant with our beautiful baby girl. She’s about to turn 3 in a few days and when I look at her I am reminded how important it is to trust God and also how important it is to educate ourselves in the word and KNOW OUR COVENANT RIGHTS. The bible says the people perish for lack of knowledge. In the covenant God made with Abraham, He made promises…promises that are extended to us through Jesus Christ. WE DO OUR PART AND GOD DOES HIS. It is a fascinating revelation to say the least and the knowledge of it gives me the foundation and the assurance I need to trust God.
God bless you and your family.
-Von
P.S. Dr. Creflo Dollar does an in depth teaching on our covenant in his Foundation of Covenant series. Also some of the scriptures dear to my heart… Deuteronomy 7:9-15, Genesis 15:3-6, 1 John 4:16-19, Deuteronomy 8:18.
Cory
14/02/08
Hi Von, thank you for sharing your story. My wife and I know that ultimately God has a plan for us. We desire to have more children, but even if that is not in His plan, we will (hopefully) trust in Him and rest in the knowledge that his plan is better than ours.
Kely
29/02/08
Cory, thank you sooo much for sharing this.My husband and I miscarried last Summer and in the midst of that, I had to have immediate surgery to remove a large cyst on my ovary. We were trying for about seven months and I just found out yesterday that we are pregnant again. I am BATTLING BIG TIME with fear and doubt of the unknown.Even when I found out yesterday,instead of trusting God and leaving it be, I looked up forums about women have miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, stillborns, etc. and allowed those things to put fear in me and doubt in God’s plan. Thank you for reminding me that GOD IS IN CONTROL, He is on mine and my baby’s side,and that He has plans to prosper US, NOT to harm US, and plans to give US a hope and a future.
Cory
29/02/08
Hi Kelly, I’m glad my story was able to minister to you. Just trust that God wants what is best for you, even if that might be at odds with what we think is best.
Randy
13/03/08
Lord, thank you for showing the way to this man.
Im so blessed to know him, even though its just in the cyberworld. For the past years, I’v struggled about pursuing my own career in IT/Web/Programming while at the same time serving you in the youth/music/education ministry. I thought I can not make both world’s meet and that in the end I need to choose… but thru him and his website you have shown me that you are Lord of “both of my worlds”. May you continue to bless him and his family.
Thanks to you Cory. Uv been an encouragement. I hope to share about you in our next youth gathering.
Logical
04/04/08
Hmmm…
God does not exist. I find it strange that you battle with the idea of faith, then claim it was god that pulled you through etc.
Life is a biological marvel, the master plan is the survival of the gene, a far more majestic story than some misanthropic egotisitical being who supposedly has a path from it all.
When you die you will lose all consciousness, so you will never be in a position to realise that god does not exist, you will never have lived a day as a free human being and I find this very sad.
You control your own destiny within the confines of reality as we have made it.
Cory
04/04/08
Hi Logical,
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your beliefs. I’m truly sorry you feel that way because I believe you have a fundamental misunderstanding of my faith when you say “you will never have lived a day as a free human being and I find this very sad.”
To me, true freedom comes only in knowing and serving Jesus Christ. It is a paradox that most people do not understand. I only pray that you will come to understand that in your lifetime.
Thanks again for stopping by.
Jim
22/05/08
I am working on creating a new website for my church and I found this site via a google search. I was reading up on how to move from my build machine to our server, scrolled to the bottom, saw a link to “God’s plan vs our plan” and thought… oh boy, here we go, another anti-Christian rant (I’m very pessimistic when it comes to stuff posted on the web). Boy, was I pleasantly surprised.
We have 2 wonderful children, and neither one was by “our plan”. We planned to get married, wait a couple years to save and get established, and then have our 1 and only child. We got married and only 1 month later my wife found out she was pregnant… only 23 months ahead of schedule
9 months later, we have our 1 child and that’s all our plan calls for.
Fast forward a few years, and oops, we are pregnant again. Surprisingly, I did not panic (to be honest, the 1 child thing was mostly my idea). Sadly, 4 weeks later my wife had a miscarriage. Having that gift and then quickly losing it really opened our eyes. Eventually we were able to have our 2nd child and we couldn’t be happier.
Like I said, neither one of our children were by our plan, but looking back we realize that God had a much better plan for us. Cory, I wish you well with your family. Also, thank you for sharing your Joomla knowledge.
Robert S. Totman
08/07/08
Hi Cory,
I’ve been trying to figure out how to crank up the blog center on my Joomla! site and that brought me to your “Howto” website. I’m really new at all of this. I’ve still not figured it out and I got sidetracked by your blog.
I was so blessed to see your open display of faith. Oh, if more Americans would do the same.
Also, I read your article about the recent tragedy in your family. Our prayers are with you and I’m writting to let you know that we, too, lost a baby. Here’s the good news though: We have four beautiful and healthy children now. In fact, the first of the four was conceived just 3 months after our loss. We don’t really understand it all either, and we don’t need to. We are comforted believing we will meet that baby in heaven one day. Perhaps, that would offer you comfort too. How nice to know that we are eternal beings, all of us. Even those babies that didn’t make it full term.
So, I pray the LORD to richly bless you and yours. May you be fruitful and multiply under the mighty power and protection of the LORD Almighty.
In Jesus’ Name,
Robert S. Totman
ps – some pics of the subsequent treasures from God: http://picasaweb.google.com/ReflectingHisGlory
Cory
08/07/08
Hi Robert…Thank you for your kind words. It’s now been 5 months since we lost the baby, and I can safely say we are doing very well. God has definitely comforted us in this time and given us a peace that goes beyond all understanding.
Thanks,
Cory
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